Saddle cosies to stem claims for damages against bike hire scheme

Transport for London’s new bicycle hire scheme has met with an unfortunate and embarrassing hitch. Which has led to a staggering increase in claims for compensation made against TfL in the last month?

Due to the schemes success in attracting Londoners back on to two wheels, some for the very first time, many of Boris cycle virgins have been the victims of severe chafing, mostly around the buttocks and inner thigh area.

In an ever litigious society, legal firms have been quick to sign up victims on a no win no fee basis to claim compensation from TfL who they say have failed to warn virgin cyclists of the dangers of peddling around for hours looking for an empty docking station.

With claims pilling up at City Hall, Boris Johnson has wasted no time in holding a secret emergency meeting, to head off a potential PR disaster for the fledgling cycle hire scheme. The planned roll out of pay as you go cycle hire has now been put off until next year, to help cut down the number of new customers.

Nutsville spoke to one victim Miss Rose Eras, whose solicitor called in a leading cycling expert to prepare her claim. She said that Boris should have anticipated this problem, the saddles are too soft. Miss Eras went on to explain that soft saddles are well known in cycling circles to put extra pressure on the ‘ischial tuberosities’ bones. Soft saddles and mainly over weight cyclists was simply a disaster waiting to happen, she said.

But at the secret meeting Boris Johnson is said to have asked for a brainstorming session, with it seems Boris’s right hand man Simon Milton coming to the rescue, revealing his little known skills in Macrame. His suggestion of weaving cloth seat covers for all of the bikes has so far been the only practical way forward in the short term.


Sources close to Johnson and Milton say the pair worked through the night helping to produce the first batch of emergency seat cosies, which were fitted to hire bikes just before dawn this morning.

Bewildered Londoners fondle Brori’s sear cosies

Bewildered Londoners fondle Boris’s seat cosies

The truth behind the seat cosies

The truth behind the seat cosies

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grenouilleSeptember 28th, 2010 at 10:44 pm

those cyclists better stop claiming against Boris’s bikes scheme if they want to keep the right to cycle in his bus lanes !

BanditSeptember 30th, 2010 at 11:02 am

Tres bien, Grenouille!

You can hear Boris now:
‘Now come on chaps, stop this complaining! Do you want to carry on using bus lanes? Well stop protesting about squishy saddles. Sore buttocks are an inevitable part of life when cycling. Or studying at Eton’.

And Red Ken has used the opportunity to attack his Mayoral rival in a whiny, nasal voice:

‘Boris Johnson has obviously failed to account for the needs of fecking idiots who have no clue on how to sit on a saddle.
A Labour Mayor would be issuing regulated saddles to the poorer members of society and free bikes with approved seating for those on benefits. If it wasn’t for Tory cuts, all these bikes would be free at the point of use. If immigration hadn’t been capped, we could employ thousands of foreign workers in the public sector to pedal people around London so this sort of disaster never happened again. These are the sort skill that the City is desparate for.
I will be putting this firmly into my election manifesto and inviting Boris Johnson to every town hall in London to tell the voters why his Tory cycling initiative is an ill-conceived disaster’.

Funny article, Nuts; keep it up!

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